it has been at least 10 months
I met all his family and he's met mine
we've lived together for 6 months
never met his baby mama, I don't think I will ever want to right now.
my feelings are still raw
his life meshed with mine,
his past meshed with mine,
How do you deal with it?
His family sometime puts a lot of pressure on me,
how I'm so good to him,
I treat him very well,
it's so much pressure to deal with someone who did not have a good past,
the past that you cannot let go of.
you cannot let go because there she is,
the little one
the little one that will forever be in our lives
How do I love her?
How do I love someone else's child?
shouldn't I deceive such creature,
shouldn't I be hating her, because she will forever be the priority
regardless if i bare a child, she will always be the first
the enviousness
the spitefulness of suffering that I bestow upon her in my evil mind
It'll be so rewarding, yet evil
or hate the mother that put the evil plans in him
Yet, I care for her.
I care for her being,
and hatred is evil and wrong
and I'm not like that
I put an effort on teaching her the right things, but then what? she goes off to her biological mother
what good am I?
They say, I will be her friend, I will be the role model
I will be the person she'll talk to when she can't tell her mother
OMG... HOW?!
Am i doing it right?
they say, I am
But
I just get so frustrated,
with her, her learning development
and I can't do anything about it,
but to care and try to love her
Because I love her daddy so much
It's so hard to love,
It's like in order to be love,
you have to learn to love someone else
It feels like I have to prove my love for her in order to be loved by him
knowing that you already love yourself
Because didn't we learn that in order to truly love someone or trust someone,
you must believe in yourself, love and trust yourself = happiness
Now, how do you love?
How to love?
I believe that the love we have from God, should be encrypted to show love for others
that your heart and your spirit is in one love from God
That is why with flaws of frustrations and anger... It is very hard to do.
This is hard.
